The Elephants

My upstairs neighbors only woke me up twice last night so let's talk about them.

At 12:36 AM they got home, I didn't hear them go up the stairs but oh boy did I hear them get home. There was minor cracking and shuffling from the floor above me but overall it instilled a hope in me that maybe, just maybe, tonight I would sleep through the night.

Granted, they had already woken me up once, but I was still hopeful.

At 1:14 AM the pacing began. See, the floors are so creaky that I can follow each individual footstep as they walk around. First the circles began in the bedroom above me, seemingly tracing the place where my own bed sat, as if to say "We know you're sleeping but we don't care." After a while the pacing changed to walking from the bedroom, through the living room, and into the kitchen and back. Repeat.

I had the good fortune to fall asleep here.

At 2:17 AM until 2:25 AM they did their nightly patrol. It's so regular at this point that I expect it. They got up and walked a few circles, went into the hallway, then the living room, and back into the bedroom, this time neglecting to check the kitchen for whatever spookies they patrol for.

There was a short pause, then at 2:29 AM they did another few laps around the bedroom before I was more tired than I was irritated and fell asleep.

This is a pretty standard night. I can count on my fingers how many nights I've not woken up even once in the two months that we've lived here, and I'm pretty sure at this point it's because they didn't come home those nights.

I don't know why they patrol, but one of my theories was they had a massive nervous dog that was the cause of all the noise. Until last night that would have made sense, but last night the footsteps were so loud and heavy you could tell it wasn't a dog, but an elephant miraculously walking on two legs. Amazing!

They're nice people and the floors aren't their fault but oh my god just once I'd like to sleep the whole night.

I'm fairly sure they are working directly with the megaphone demon that's haunting me to make me miserable. Or maybe they're not walking around at all, maybe it's the megaphone demon trying to trick me into murdering them.

Well I won't. Too smart for you, demon.