Actual Email I Sent to Husband

Husband is away on work and can only email so I thought this would be a great glimpse into my life for you. Please note this is word for word copied from my email. I didn't change anything.

" I'm glad you found the ChapStick. I want you to know I am too cool and chill to capitalize chapstick like that and that my phone did it automatically. I don't have time for that.

I didn't do any art because I didn't feel like it.  Thanks for the weirdly biased support. Usually you don't care about stuff I care about and now you're like "hey do the thing I agree."  I'm not complaining though. I have some ideas and opportunities I'm looking into. More on that later I suppose. When there's actually something to say.

I got beat up by some trees and the sun today. Pictures included. Actually bled quite a bit but found a really rad adventure spot. Will take you there asap it is lovely. #worth

I made a video of it accompanied by cheerful ukulele music and its on YouTube for the world to see.

Only had one tick on me after the whole ~3hour outdoor shenanigan/wander/inhaler test. Spoiler it helps me breathe and it doesn't hurt my chest to do things but I'm still out of shape and it kinda burns idk.

I went grocery shopping and bought probably way too much lettuce. Oh well I'll just have to be a rabbit this week I guess.

Gwen's been better. I think she wasn't mad at me when she bit me but at my ham sandwich. I tested it by making another one and she got really aggressive and bit me again. Gwen hates ham.

Had some yogurt today. My inhaler doesn't make me sick if I eat right before using it. Like ibuprofen or aspirin do to me too. Or vitamins. Or anything really. Everything makes me sick.

I called my mom three times today and got pulled over for talking on the phone while in the car yesterday. Cop was very nice told me the rules and said have a nice day then drove away.

Anyways its 10:58 pm on Wednesday night and I work tomorrow so I'm gonna go to sleep (and by sleep I meant sit on my phone until at least 1 am or until I hate myself whichever comes first) "

So there you go. I don't know how to include pictures from the blogger mobile app, but the pictures were one of my sunburn on my neck and one of the numerous cuts and scabs on my shins.

Gwen is a bird in case you forgot.

Anyways that's my life in a nutshell.

Grocery Store Shenanigans

Why hello there my curious butterflies!!~

I'm sure you're all just begging me to give you a crashing tour through my grocery store.

WAIT NO LONGER HERE IT IS MY EXTRA SPECIAL FRIENDS!!!

I present to you: Things in My Grocery Store (that are weird or bother me)

Let's start with something not too weird that happens in my grocery store. There's a sushi place. And it's kinda popular? The lady in the seafoam pants was getting sushi too but she was talking about sandwiches. Don't be fooled.

There's also a soup bar, a sandwich bar, fried chicken and mashed potatoes, and pizza made to order.

Like a whole restaurant which isn't that strange but it's just so...popular.

Moving right along, my almost least and simultaneously most favorite part...

The Bagelry. I hate the bagelry because I hate the word bagelry. PLOT TWIST there aren't any bagels. The only bagel is the giant fake one on the wall. It's all bread and muffins. And coffee. I hate the bagelry.

Gross. Look at these gross not dead things. People buy these and kill them and cook them. yuck. bye.

There's nothing weird about gross clams. I just hate them and their smell and I'll never get over it.

Here's something made specifically to pander to the trendy bacon thing that I wish would stop. Someone out there probably thinks this sounds good and that person is wrong.

Popcorn is sacred. You wanna make weird potato chip flavors then fine but leave popcorn out of this.

East coast people are repulsive with foods. Ugh. Get. A. Way. from me with these things blegh.

This is less about weird things and more about things I don't like I guess. Oh well.

If you haven't seen black water yet here it is we have like 40 flavors at my grocery store.

The actual liquid is black. How strange and unappetizing.

Weight-loss chocolate soda!! Because that's not totally gross or anything.

I've never seen anyone buy this brand even, much less the chocolate variety. Zero Carbs!

AND NOW:

White chocolate seltzer! Because there was so much demand for the chocolate soda.

I'm too tired to make this post funny sorry.

Last but not least, the sock aisle. My personal nemesis.

Flanking the sock aisle are magazines and soap. Those aren't important. What's important is the fact that there are SO MANY SOCKS at my grocery store, BUT NO MITTENS.

If there were gloves or mittens included, even if just in winter, I would be okay with this. It would be a section for covering the ends of your limbs, it would be at least semi logical and sensical.

But no. Just socks. And they're not even good socks. They're no name brand socks that are way up charged because WHO buys SOCKS at the GROCERY STORE.

There are even overflowing baskets, seen above, because there are so many socks.

The sock aisle will be the death of me. I truly despise it.

I don't have a good note to end this post on. Just writing about the sock aisle is making me angry. Bye.

To the Bluffs! (and back)

Here's a video I made from footage I shot in the park today, accompanied by ukuleles and bells.

Overbearing Nurses

It seems like this happens consistently every time I call to make an appointment with my doctor. 

The basic setup for making appointments goes like this: you call the appointment number and get an off-site operator who takes your information. If it's a simple appointment ("I need my prescription refilled") she schedules it for you. If it's something she can't immediately make a decision on ("I have all these symptoms what do I do") she calls a nurse from the clinic and has the nurse make the call.

So far every time I've called with so much as a mild cough the nurse is convinced I'm dying.

It takes a lot for me to call in the first place, I tend to minimize problems and pretend they're not there because doctor appointments are so time consuming.

Day four of projectile vomiting? Ah wow what a nasty cold hahaha

Bleeding out my eyes? Gee I must be allergic to my makeup! ohhohoho

But in this case it was "haha wow whenever I run or otherwise exercise I feel like a knife is being driven though my chest weird! Oh man, when I lay down I get really wheezy, crazy! How absurd, whenever I laugh I end up coughing and hacking!"

And this has been going on for AT LEAST a year now.

So I called in and tried to explain chest pains and trouble breathing in the least alarming way possible, but the operator saw right through me and got a nurse on the line.

She was nice, but ultimately thought I was stupid for not being concerned about this.

Her words were: "Do you get this pain when you run?"

I replied "Yeah, I go on a hike or walk everyday too and it does it then as well."

"STOP doing that."

And then I made the mistake of laughing. I chuckled and said "Oh, okay."

I wasn't laughing because I thought she was over reacting, I just laughed because her abrupt order caught me off guard.

That was a mistake however. This woman now is under the impression that I'm laughing at her advice and I had to work for another ten minutes to convince her I would spend today on the couch.

"I'm serious. Don't do that anymore. You need to be seen as soon as possible."

"Okay, I'll take today off."

"If you get that feeling again you need to go to the emergency room. But have someone else drive you."

(Uhh I live alone right now there is no one else) "Okay, I promise I'll spend today doing nothing."

Eventually I convinced her. I don't know whether to be happy that I have an excuse to be lazy or upset because now that I've been ordered not to do anything I just wanna do stuff.