HOW TO REGRESS VIOLENTLY BACK INTO THE NINETIES

Hey there citizens! Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be yanked from your comfortable 2015 home and be beaten mercilessly back 20 years into the past?! ??

WELL DO I HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU!!!!!!!

For a limited time only you can get the hit new old album:

"My neighbors won't turn their music down at 1 am"

Listen now as you contemplate why anyone would do such a thing to someone as innocent as me:




Is is playing? Good, listen along with me while I write the rest of this and suffer through these songs again!

Featuring such classics as

"That song that goes 'love me love me'"

Because does anyone actually know the name of this band??! No! Of course not! Be the hippest of your radical dude's by actually knowing the name of the song is Lovefool and the band is The Cardigans, stylin'!!

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But don't forget earworms like "The Shrek Song"

Yes you heard me! The Shrek Song! That everyone knows all the words to and absolutely hates! Who DOESN'T want to hear this through their ceiling at 1 am? I am blessed to have such courteous neighbors with such advanced taste in music.

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Oh and who could live without hearing "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" in the middle of the night? Now you don't have to!

You too can listen to Will Smith throw down some sick beats to a light background beat, but don't get too cocky! You only know the televised version, this is the whole song so you'll have to stop singing along halfway through.

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Let's mix things up! Here's "Over the Rainbow" by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole, because you don't actually know his name and good luck spelling it.

In all honesty this is a sweet song and I don't have anything sarcastic to say. Moving on then.

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Here's another song you have to google the lyrics for in order to find the name:
Save Tonight! By whoever this is.

Yes, because now that it's well after 1 am and I'm laying in bed keeping track of all the old songs that are keeping me awake the last thing I have time for is googling, so this song is officially now called "fight the break of dawn come tomorrow" because that's what I wrote when trying to remember this song.

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But what album would be complete without a song that everyone knows and no one knows.

OMC - How Bizzare!

Don't lie, you like this song for the background music. It reflects everything that was nineties beach songs.

If you were to just see the name of this song written down you'd have no idea what it was but boy do you know

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Historical referencessssss!!!!

She's so hiiiiiiiIIIiiIIIIgggghhhhh! Like Cleopatra! Joan of Arc! Or Aphrodite!

Everyone likes this song. Even if you hate it you like it. Who is this mystery girl? Where can I meet her? Can I be her she sounds awesome.

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OH GOD DON'T FORGET THE ANGST!!

What nineties album would be complete without angst! This one wouldn't! So here's a song I hate that I listened to long enough to add it to this playlist: Jumper, or WISH YOU WOULD STEP BACK FROM THAT LEDGE MY FRIEEEeenndd. I can't listen anymore let's get something else.

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Oh Marky Mark! Heck yeah! I truly believe Mark Wahlberg's career of acting will always be overshadowed by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Here's a song you'll have in your head the rest of the day to end out playlist, you're welcome!!


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So for only one low payment of your sanity you too can listen to all the classic nineties hits in the middle of the night against your will!

Because the sound of All Star's shouting and Will Smith gettin' down will surely lull you to sleep. Without a doubt. We guarantee it! 

And if you aren't gently rocked to sleep then you can expect nothing back because you sold your sanity and soul to some sort of demon and you deserve this torment. Or at least that's what must have happened to me.