The Apple Tragedy

I love apples. I eat like three a day if there are that many available.

I'm also really stuck up about them.

I know it's a strange thing to be stuck up about but I am an apple snob. I was on the phone with my dad, returning home from the grocery store explaining this to him. I have an unfortunate taste for the expensive apples, and so I don't buy them very often and when I do I'm super picky and rifle through the whole pile to get the most perfect, unblemished, unbruised apples that are available.

Local markets are torment to me because the apples are always bruised or have holes or nicks in them. Alas.

Anyways, as I'm telling my dad this I'm unloading my groceries. I had purchased five perfect honeycrisp apples, shining, glorious examples of what apples should be.

As I'm telling him how stuck up I am about apples I reached into a bag to retrieve them and put them into the fridge.

I lifted up the thin produce bag and time slowed.

Before I could even process what was happening, part of the bag slipped from my hand. I tried desperately to get the bag in the fridge before disaster struck but I was far too late.

As the bag neared the shelf it would ultimately destroy itself on, my perfect apples started to do what round things do.

They rolled to the unheld edge of the bag, and in my panic I tried to swing them over the shelf and set them down.

I was so close, but I couldn't stop the inevitable.

The apples rolled out of the bag, each of the five bouncing down onto the shelf, then rolling and bouncing down the front of the fridge drawers, before bounding out onto the kitchen floor with a crunch and rolling away.

If you'll recall, I am currently on the phone with my dad when this is happening.

Mid-sentence I screeched hysterically at my apples now rolling around the kitchen before transitioning into a wailing "NOOOOOOO!!"

Realizing I had just screamed into the phone, I spluttered out a miserable "I dropped my apples!" to my dad.

He laughed at me.

The apples were effectively useless at this point but I put them in the fridge for Husband to eat.